


And He Walked Away

by scorpion22



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Broken Heart, Depression, Gen, Lost Love, Moving On, Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5407031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpion22/pseuds/scorpion22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prequel to my story the one he never forgot. Takes place after Oswald walks away from Mary leaving her in the rain. Will be in mostly Mary's POV so that we can see how she got to be the person she is in the original story. How she met and married Maroni and most important what her life without Oswald was like. I own nothing. Rating may change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lately I’ve been having terrible writer’s block on my story the one he never forgot. I thought this might help and for the most part it has I now have ideas again for that story. Now I just got to write them down. I own nothing still and I hope you all enjoy. Also you can read the one he never forgot if you don’t understand anything about this story. This story is based on Mary’s POV mainly concerning her life after Oswald left and how she became the woman we see in the other story. Please read, review, and enjoy.

Chapter 1

Mary’s POV…

The tension between Oswald and me as we sat on that bench in Gotham was unbearable. I couldn’t remember it ever being like this between us ever before. We had always been closer than any two people could be especially when we admitted to each other that we wanted to be more than just friends. But now this moment, sitting there everything felt like it could fall apart at any moment, and I didn’t know what to say. Nothing had ever been able to come between us before, but remembering the day before with his mother I was scared.   
“She is his mother. She is the only person who he loves more then me; she could take him away from me,” I thought that thought scaring me even more. I knew how Oswald loved his mother and she made it quite clear that she hated me. And while I would never make him choose between us, I didn’t want to lose him; he meant so much to me. I loved him with my whole heart. As all this went through my mind, I finally looked at him as he sat at my side. Neither of us said anything as we sat there my umbrella protecting us from the rain as usual. I knew somebody had to break this ungodly silence and it might as well have been me.   
“Yesterday didn’t exactly go as planned,” I whispered. I expected him to respond, to say anything, but he remained silent and in that silence I swore I could hear my heart beat. But then finally he spoke his voice cold like a slap in the face.   
“Is he really talking like that to me,” I thought feeling a chill that wasn’t from the rain.  
“Actually yesterday was very enlightening,” snapped Oswald turning to finally look at me.  
And he wasn’t just looking at me, he was glaring at me in a way he never had before.  
“He’s glaring at me just like she did,” I thought that glare burning into my soul as he continued to give me his mother’s glare. I had never seen such a look in Oswald’s eyes directed at me. Oswald had never looked at me with anything, but kindness and love even before when we were mere friends. I didn’t recognize him with this look in his eyes and it hurt to have him look at me like that. Not only did it scare me; it broke my heart.   
“Oswald why are you looking at me like that? What do you mean it was enlightening?” I exclaimed turning fully to face him moving closer to him beneath my umbrella so that our knees were nearly touching.   
I wanted to take his hands in mine, to kiss his cheeks, to smother his face in my love, and maybe even kiss him for the first time. Anything to make that look, that glare vanish from his face. But before I could he was up off the bench staring down at me still with his cold blue eyes.   
“My mother was right, you are nothing to me. I don’t love you; you are not worthy of me. You are a seductress; a harlot,” screamed Oswald. I know my pain was clear on my face as he finished. He was hurting me in a way that I never thought he would and yet he didn’t appear to care. And unlike the day before with his mother, I didn’t hold back the tears; this time I let them gather in my eyes before falling over my cheeks.   
I couldn’t believe this was Oswald, my Oswald saying these things to me.   
“This isn’t Oswald. Oswald would never say these things; this is something else,” I thought holding hope in my heart that there was some sort of explanation for this. If he had ever spoken to me like this before it would have been different, but he hadn’t. I knew he never would, he was my Oswald, ever the gentleman, and he loved me. He would never hurt me like this; there had to be a reason for this.   
“Oswald loves me,” I thought as he continued calling me a seductress, names only his mother would use. He didn’t mean any of this. He didn’t mean what he was saying; I held hope in my heart that this was true. He had once said he would love me for the rest of his life, he had meant that then, and I knew he still loved me. Love didn’t just disappear like that.   
I couldn’t deny that what he said stunned me, it took me a moment to gather the hope around me like a shield, but finally I stood from the bench. I stood there right in front of him my umbrella protecting us both once more as I looked at this man I loved so much searching for that love in his eyes. But I didn’t find it; instead all I saw was that horrid glare he shared with his mother. I searched for my Oswald somewhere in those eyes, but I saw nothing. I saw absolutely nothing, not a single shred of the love he had professed to me so many times. I didn’t know who this man in front of me was, but it wasn’t my Oswald. Of that I was absolutely sure.   
“Oswald I love you,” I whispered looking into his eyes still hoping to see the man I loved suddenly appear.   
“I told you I don’t love you; I never did. You’re nothing to me absolutely nothing. You’re nothing, but a worthless whore,” snapped Oswald and it was with those words that he shattered my heart beneath his fist.   
“I don’t care how much I love him he will not talk to me like that. I took it from his mother; I will not take it from him,” I thought as I moved my hand in one swift movement slapping him hard across the face. And as my hand connected with his face I will never forget that sound like the crack of a whip.   
“Oh my god,” I thought after I had slapped him. It was a reflex action that I didn’t regret because I would not let him talk that way to me. But it was hard to believe I had done it; I had never thought I’d have a reason to slap Oswald, never ever in my life. I think he was as shocked as me as he stumbled back in response. And when he looked at me again his eyes were wide and as I went to move my hand back to my side he grabbed it holding it in his tight grasp. My tears were still leaving me then as I waited for him to respond to what I had done; this man was not my Oswald he was somebody else so I didn’t know what to expect.   
“What are you going to do, Oswald? Call me a whore again, hit me back; what are you going to do?” I thought as I peered up at him the salty taste of my tears on my tongue. Another part thought he might say nothing. Part of me expected him to just simply walk away, to forget about me, and go home to his mother’s loving arms. And I would miss him for the rest of my life even if he wouldn’t miss me. I would never forget him even if he would forget me. I would always love him even if what he said was true and he never loved me. What he finally did made every thought fly from my mind except one; I was losing him. He didn’t do any of the things I had been thinking. He stared down at me for the longest time, or maybe time just slowed down, but he surprised the hell out of me with what he did next. Oswald could always surprise me.   
Oswald still held the same hand I had just slapped him with in his hand, he was staring at me, and his eyes the look in them kept flickering back and forth. Back and forth between this hateful person and something else I couldn’t quite catch. And then he did it, he did the unexpected; Oswald used the hand he held and he pulled me into his arms. We stood there chest to chest his eyes still locked with mine and again I saw a flicker of something in his eyes. And then he kissed me. For so long I had been waiting for this moment to happen. For my Oswald to finally kiss me and now that it was really happening I wished it had been under different circumstances. He had just got done calling me a whore, I had just slapped him; this moment should have been proceeded with sweet words, words of love, but instead it was like this. I hated that, but as he kissed me for the first time I couldn’t deny it was still exquisite. When it ended, it was without a word. He didn’t saying anything as he pulled away from me, he looking at me a fleeting moment and I wanted to say something to keep him there with me. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I couldn’t. So we stood there in the rain for a second both of us getting drenched.   
“I should pick up my umbrella,” I thought, but I still didn’t move. We were being pelted with rain, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him, it might be the last time I saw him, and looking into his eyes I saw it again. That flicker, a flicker I still held hope was love for me, but as soon as the thought entered my head it died a short death.   
Not a second after this thought entered my head did he turn and walk away. Oswald, the man I loved, he didn’t say anything, he just turned his back on me, and he walked away. He walked away taking every shattered shard of my heart with him. He left me standing there in the rain and as I watched him go I hoped he would turn around, but he never looked back. I didn’t move even when I could no longer see him. I just stood there in the rain letting it mix with my tears as it finally hit me; he wasn’t coming back. Oswald was gone, he had left me, walked away from me, and that was the one thing I never thought he’d do.   
“Oswald, I love you,” I cried my breathing erratic as I started to panic. This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real, and falling onto the bench once more I didn’t pick up my umbrella still I only sobbed. I sobbed more tears then I thought were in my body.   
“Oswald,” I screamed my hands covering my face as I shook not from the cold, but from my grief. Was this some nightmare? Was my life suddenly ending? And with that question I knew the answer was yes, yes my life was ending without Oswald it would be as black as the city we lived in. Since we met that day in the rain, since that very first conversation with him he had become my everything. Since we were fourteen years old, we had walked side by side, I loved him more than anything, and now I would have to spend the rest of my life without him. And part of me didn’t want to live anymore. What would my life be without him? What would my days be like without seeing him to look forward to? What would this walk known as life be without him by my side? I just didn’t know and I didn’t want to know.   
“I have to go home. Home alone for the first time,” I whispered finally the rain still falling as the day began to end around Gotham. It would be my first walk alone.   
I started to walk home still crying. I left my umbrella laying there in the park, I didn’t want it, I didn’t need it, and as I got soaked I cried still. I wasn’t so sure I would ever stop. And with my arms wrapped around my body as I moved so slow towards my future without Oswald I went home my heart gone. Forever gone. And I couldn’t help, but think over and over again I was alone. For the first time since that day we had met I was walking the streets of Gotham alone. And I knew it would be this way from now on, I would be alone, alone, so alone. That thought repeating in my head only made me sob harder. I only felt the loss of my love in that moment. I didn’t feel the rain, I didn’t feel a single footstep I took; I only felt a deep longing for Oswald. But Oswald was gone. He was gone and I was alone now.   
Ursula Tyler’s POV/ Mary’s mother…

I have never been so scared in my life. My daughter Mary had not come home yet. It was nearly eleven thirty at night and it was so unlike her to be late especially when she was with Oswald which was usually all the time. He always made sure she made it home on time right on the dot.   
“Mary where are you?” I whispered peering out the window for the thousandth time seeing nothing, but darkness my heart erratic as a million scenarios played in my mind. This was Gotham; the city wasn’t exactly safe; anything could have happened to her. I was seconds from picking up the phone to call the police though I knew they would be useless as usual when the door finally opened. Mary slowly entered the apartment, she was drenched from head to toe, but upon closer inspection the rain was not the only thing on her face. There were also tears, lots of tears.   
Seeing my baby like that broke my heart, drenched to the bone, and crying. I rushed to her closing the door before wrapping her in not only a blanket, but my warm embrace.   
“Mary, where have you been? Are you alright; where’s your umbrella,” I whispered feeling as she shivered in my arms beginning to cry. I moved her over to sit on the couch waiting for her to answer me, but she didn’t. She remained silent except for her sobs.   
“You stay right here I’m going to go make you some tea,” I whispered kissing the top of her head her hair wet beneath my lips. And moving slowly into the kitchen I didn’t know what had happened, but something told me it was bad, very bad. Something had shattered my daughter to pieces.   
She sat there shivering her head laid back against the couch. I could see her lips moving, but I didn’t know what she was saying. Mary just kept mumbling and sobbing staring at the ceiling as if it held all the answers to her problems. I had never seen her in such a state before. After the tea was made I returned to her side handing her the cup making her drink some making sure she didn’t spill it before setting it on the table and then I made her look at me.   
“Mary baby look at me, I want you to tell me what happened tonight,” I breathed holding her face in my hands looking into the green eyes she shared with me seeing more tears threatening to spill over onto her face.   
“What happened…did someone hurt you? Were you attacked on your way home,” I whispered smoothing her wet curls out of her face wiping rain and tears away as she nodded a no in answer.   
“ He left me mom…he’s gone,” sobbed Mary her entire body convulsing as she broke into tears worse than I had ever seen before. I couldn’t understand what she meant; everything else she said was incompressible through her sobs.   
“Who, Mary…who is he,” I exclaimed my own tears falling now at the sight of her in such a state. I was scared to death of what she was going to tell me. I didn’t know what had happened to her and in a city like Gotham it could been anything.   
“Oswald “exclaimed Mary her voice nearly a shrill scream as she collapsed in my arms crying on my shoulder as I held her.   
“Did you two have a fight? “I asked.   
I was surprised in that moment because Oswald treated my daughter like a queen, they had never fought before, but then I supposed there was a first time for everything. Mary didn’t answer me she only continued to sob. And as she did I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach once more that something bad had happened; something really life altering for her.   
“No, after what happened with his mother yesterday he met me at the park. He said…he didn’t love me anymore, that he never did, and then he…he just walked away. He walked away and he’s never coming back,” sobbed Mary finally answering my question and then nothing more was said between either of us as I just let her cry.   
After she was done crying for the most part I wrapped my arms around her making her stand as I led her into the bathroom for a shower. As the water ran over her she still cried, but not nearly as badly. I think she was running out of tears. However, even when the tears ended she continued to whisper his name as if it would make him suddenly appear. When she stepped out of the shower I pulled an overly large shirt over her head and moving her to sit on her bed I sat behind her. His name was the only thing that left her lips still as I ran a brush through her long brown hair and I didn’t say anything. Truth be told I didn’t understand what was happening; I didn’t understand why Oswald would do this to my daughter. He had never been unkind to her for even a second.   
“Oswald,” breathed Mary and it was then I noticed she was staring at the pictures on her dresser.   
They were both of Oswald and her; one was against a restaurant backdrop while they had been on a date somewhere. Next to that picture was another long strip of photos each of them. They had been at a shop when they found an old photo booth and looking at that one with her I still didn’t understand this. Why had he broken my daughter like this? He had loved her, you could see it in his eyes by the way he was looking at her, so why do this now? She wouldn’t take her eyes off those photos and as I watched her, the brush moving through her hair still I could feel her pain. And I could see she was in so much pain.   
“He’ll come back. Oswald loves you; he will come back to you,” I whispered setting down the brush moving her hair behind her shoulders. She didn’t say anything in response for a long time, but then she broke out in sobs once more her head shaking frantically. And then no was the only word leaving her lips.   
“No, no, no, he meant it. Oswald meant what he said I never meant anything to him. He never loved me; he’s never coming back. I’m never going to see him again,” cried Mary her eyes shutting as her hands covered her face. And as her entire body became wracked with sobs I pulled her back against my chest in an attempt to sooth her.   
“He will. I have seen how that boy looks at you Mary. He loves you and I don’t know why he did this today, but I do know he loves you. Now tell me, did he just walk away? He had to say, or do something before he left,” I breathed into her ear letting my head rest on her shoulder waiting for her to stop crying long enough to answer. And when she finally stopped crying a silence filled the air and then she finally began to answer.   
“He did something before he walked away. He called me a whore mom and when I slapped him after he said it he grabbed my arm. He grabbed me, he pulled me to him, and then he kissed me,” exclaimed Mary that ray of hope coming back to life for a second.  
“You see, that boy still loves you. If he didn’t he wouldn’t have kissed you after you had just gotten done slapping him. You don’t kiss someone like that unless you love them,” I smiled kissing her cheek. Pulling back the covers I watched as she crawled beneath them and kissing her goodnight I was about to leave her when she grabbed my hand.   
“Mom, would you stay with me, please,” whispered Mary. I smiled down at her as I nodded moving to lie next to her.   
Kissing her cheek again, I laid my head on her shoulder my arms tight around her.   
“Go to sleep. Go to sleep and tomorrow when you wake up Oswald will be at the door ready to apologize and walk you to work like he does every day,” I whispered seeing her smile for the first time since coming home. And as she fell asleep I still didn’t understand why Oswald had called her such a thing. Why had he done this to her now? I knew I would say something to him about calling my daughter a whore, but first I knew I would have to find out why he did this to her in the first place. And then I would slap him too.


	2. It's Really Over

Mary’s POV…

I foolishly believed what my mother said. That next day I was so excited. I made myself look as pretty as I could for Oswald, I couldn’t wait to see him, for everything to be fixed between us. I wore his favorite purple sweater with black leggings and my hair free; I could wait to see him, so we could fix this, and maybe even share a second more affectionate kiss then the one from the day before. My feet moved double time down the stairs of my building and in my mind I could already see him standing right where he always was.   
“He’ll be there, he has to be,” I thought just knowing he would apologize the second he saw me. I was sure he would say he didn’t mean what he said. With a smile on my face, I pulled open the door to my building, and running out into the street nearly hitting a passerby I immediately started to look for him. The windy Gotham air blew around me as I moved over and over in a circle expecting him to appear out of nowhere. But he didn’t because he wasn’t there. Oswald was not waiting for me the way I had so desperately hoped and as I stood there in the middle of the street I realized everything he had said yesterday was true.   
Oswald wasn’t there. I kept repeating that thought in my head as I tried to think about what to do now because I honestly didn’t know. I wanted to run back inside, but yet I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do or what my future would be now. My future had always been Oswald and now Oswald was gone. The empty street was proof of that. When I saw that, I knew, I knew it was all real, and my Oswald was really gone from my life. Forever.   
“He’s gone…he’s really gone,” I breathed staring straight in front of me my whole body stock still as I held in my screams of pain. I would not scream or cry. Not there in the open for the world to see and laugh at. I would remain calm and with that single thought I began to walk. I walked away from my building part of me wondering if my mother was watching me from the window or if she would come after me. But I didn’t want her to. I needed time to myself in that moment.   
“I’m going to be fine. There will be other boys, other loves…before I know it I’ll forget all about Oswald,” I whispered trying to persuade myself of this, but not believing a word as I continued to walk having no idea as to where I was going. Somehow, I found myself in the very place he had left me, on the very bench where we had sat the day before, and my eyes wouldn’t leave the ground where we had been the day before. His words from the day before filled my mind, I remembered how he said he never loved me, and how I was just as his mother said I was. I remembered him calling me a whore and suddenly I even felt the sting of my skin hitting his when I slapped him. But that wasn’t all I remembered. I also remembered that kiss. Our first, but also as it appeared our last. Despite the circumstances, I smiled only a little bit when I thought of that kiss. It had been exactly as I always pictured it would. His lips were as soft against mine yet firm as they worked to dominate mine. The way he had held my arms in his tight grip and the look in his eyes after it was over. There had been something there, but I would never know what it was. It was that thought that reminded me of him, of me, and how I watched him walk away leaving me there to stand in the pouring rain as he did so. Despite the memory of that I couldn’t believe it, part of me just couldn’t believe it; not after all this time. Since we first met we had been together, I had always thought of us as having the type of true love that couldn’t be broken, but I was wrong.   
“What happened to us?” I quietly asked myself not having an answer as I sat there completely alone. I asked myself that question over and over, but no answer ever came. No matter how hard I thought I didn’t know. Was it all his mother? Was he playing me all this time? What had happened to us? I didn’t know and part me suspected I never would. But I sat on that bench all day thinking about it.   
“Why did this happen to us?” I exclaimed finally breaking down into tears. I brought my hands to my face in that moment letting my sobs wrack my body. I didn’t care in that moment who saw me or what happened to me in that moment. I was inconsolable. I cried so much that when it started to rain just like the day before, I didn’t notice, I only let the drops mix with my tears, and I sat there still in my sorrow.   
I cried and cried my face covered in them. The rest of my body was soaked by the rain and though I knew I should get up to go home I didn’t. I didn’t care if I caught a cold or pneumonia. I didn’t care if someone came along to murder me. It would all be taking me out of my misery and I would not have to live a life without Oswald. In that moment my mind didn’t want to focus on anything, but him. I didn’t want to be without him even if it meant only having him in my memory. My mind just kept coming back to the memory of our first meeting, the first time I heard the name Oswald Cobblepot.   
“I’m Mary Tyler. Not that I don’t enjoy walking in the rain with a complete stranger, but could you at least tell me your name?” I had whispered my own words washing over me. He had stood so close to me than it was hard for us not to touch with every movement we made. I let my eyes examine him, this boy I had just met. Even then I thought he was cute. Oswald looked scared though, scared to tell me anything about himself, I didn’t know why, but I wanted that fear to pass.   
That was my thought as my eyes ran over him still, him, in his blue green sweater slightly drenched from the rain, him, in his out of style black slacks that somehow looked good on him, him, with his inky black hair, and pale skin. Despite just meeting I found myself liking him from the very beginning and I wanted him to feel the same. Slowly then I brought my hand out to him to shake. I waited for him to do so offering a tender smile before four simple words left me.   
“You can trust me,” I said meeting his gaze.   
That seemed to be what he needed to hear because suddenly there was a change in him; he held much more confidence now.   
“Oswald Cobblepot,” whispered Oswald finally accepting my hand bowing over it like a knight of the round table. I had never experienced anything like it before. Slowly his hand slipped free from mine as we moved down the sidewalk once more.   
“He’s different than anyone I’ve ever met,” I remember thinking watching him out of the corner of my eye a heavy silence filling the space between us. But then his voice broke through the pitter patter of rain that surrounded us.   
“Thank you…Mary,” whispered Oswald seeming almost hesitant to say my very name. I looked at him in that moment expecting to find him looking at me, but he wasn’t. Oswald had his eyes on the ground as if he was counting every crack in the sidewalk. I didn’t like it; I wanted him to look at me.   
“What for?” I smiled looking at him hoping he would look back.   
“For saving me from the rain. Not many would,” exclaimed Oswald stopping once more when I took his hand in response.   
“Why is that? You don’t look like a serial killer or like any of the many psychos that inhabit Gotham. You seem nice, so why would anyone leave you out in the rain. The fact it would give them reason to talk to you is reason enough in my opinion,” I smiled the second I ended my words his eyes met mine. He looked completely stunned, but on him it was adorable. I was the center of his attention now and I never wanted it to be any other way.   
“People think I’m strange…I have no friends. I’m a freak,” said Oswald looking away from him the second that last word left his mouth. The silence filled the air again as we continued to walk, but our steps were slow. They had to be because I wouldn’t take my eyes off of him after that. The only thing that still connected us was his hand still in mine and suddenly I didn’t know what to say to him. What he said had been so unexpected.   
I held that hand the whole walk and looking at him still I had one thought. Oswald and I were alike. We were essentially the freaks of the world, the ones no one understood, but in that moment I thought that maybe we could understand each other.   
“Neither do I, but I’ve always thought I was waiting for the right friend to come along. Maybe…maybe that person is you,” I said slowly looking at him in the same moment he looked at me.   
“Do you want to be friends perhaps?” I whispered not looking away from him. In that moment our steps slowed to a snail’s pace and he looked me dead in the eye. As he did I could see him thinking, thinking about what I was saying, and looking right back at him I didn’t know what to expect of him. But then his eyes were on the ground again. In that moment I was so afraid he was going to tell me no. He just kept looking at the ground then me then back again. He did this repeatedly before suddenly focusing on me again.   
“Yes, I’d like that very much,” whispered Oswald giving me a smile.   
“Good,” I smiled walking with him still until I was forced to stop.   
“This is my building…I guess we part ways from here,” I whispered letting our hands linger a moment more before letting them part. He only nodded in response.   
“I expect to see you again, Mr. Cobblepot,” I exclaimed as he started to back away from me, but when I said that he stopped.   
Back then silence seemed to be our thing because in that moment that was all that was between us. But then a smile found his face then mine. He approached me once more and taking my hand in his he kissed it again. He would be the only man to ever do that.   
“I will see that we do, Miss. Tyler,” breathed Oswald letting my hand fall back to my side in the same moment as I pressed something into his other hand. I didn’t want him walking in the rain anymore and I no longer needed my umbrella. Pressing it into his hand I smiled at him knowing that it had a much deeper meaning than that.   
“You’re going to need this. I will just have to get it back from you and this way we see each other again. There will be no doubt about it,” I whispered making him smile with me almost immediately. I stepped away from him than letting the drops of rain hit me while leaving him safe. I turned away from him for the first time that day not knowing if what we just arranged would be true or not. The next day when I came down for school much to my surprise Oswald was there.   
He looked much the same as the day before, he held my closed umbrella with him, and he actually smiled when I came into sight.   
“Oswald? I wasn’t expecting to see you, so soon,” I breathed moving quickly to his side.   
“Hello again, Mary; I was hoping you’d let me walk you to school. Friends do that after all,” said Oswald extending his arm out in the most gentlemanly way for me to take.   
“I’d love nothing more…thank you, Oswald,” I smiled linking our arms for the first of many times. I think I began to fall in love with him right there, in that moment and I don’t think I’ll ever truly stop. No matter how many years passed. That was something I knew as that memory played its ending in my head.   
“That was real…I didn’t dream the connection we had up. I couldn’t of,” I whispered coming back to reality in that moment finding myself still on the bench in the rain. That memory is what finally made me start to scream my lungs out in the middle of the empty park. I just didn’t know what to do now.


	3. Shattered

Chapter 3

Ursula’s POV…

It was getting dark, the dull Gotham street lights had just switched on, and Mary had been gone for hours. Normally, I would have been worried, but that night I wasn’t. I figured Oswald was making up to her for the day before, though I still planned on having words with him myself; I wasn’t worried until the banging of a fist sounded on my door. Suddenly a pain developed in the pit of my stomach and cautiously I moved to the door. It was the police, with my daughter, Mary was soaking wet, and crying. I didn’t give them time to explain anything. I just reached for my daughter taking her into my arms and cradling her there I brought her inside. The police followed, not saying a word as I took her to the couch gently covering her until she wasn’t shivering. Before going back to the police, I took a moment to look at her, she looked terrible, like she wanted to die, and slowly backing away I felt another pain as she started to wail more tears shaking her body. That was when I came face to face with the police.   
“What happened? Where was she?” I exclaimed my voice wavering between a shrill whisper and a scream. I barely gave them time to answer me. I just kept firing off questions even though I knew the answer the whole time. Oswald. That boy had done this, he had hurt her again. Even as my worry for Mary coursed through my veins I felt anger there too. That boy had better not show his face here ever again. He hadn’t been there this morning, he really was leaving her life for good, and looking at my broken little girl, I knew I would have to help her through this.   
She didn’t just lose the love of her life; she lost her best friend.   
“We’re not sure what happened, Maim. All we know is we got a call about a woman sitting on a bench in Gotham park screaming hysterically. When we got there, it was raining, but she was just sitting there acting hysterical. We thought she might be hurt, but we found no injury, so we found this address on her identification so we figured we better just bring her home,” explained one officer his partner remaining quiet the whole time. I only nodded in response keeping my opinion to myself. I didn’t like the way they said they searched her for injury, I didn’t trust the cops in this town, and that was why I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t trust them not to hurt me and that was why I wanted them out of my home. After they left their words wouldn’t leave me. Had that boy really broken my girl that badly? He had made her hysterical. She had been sitting in the rain, alone, on a bench. Was it really that bad? Had she loved that boy that much; it was more than even I thought? More than I had ever loved someone in my life and looking at her, wet and crying, on the couch, I approached her. That boy had left her hysterical, I was scared in that moment, worried that she would never get over him.   
Sitting down next to her, I saw immediately she was still shivering, but it wasn’t from her wet clothes or the cold; it was because her tears were still leaving her rapidly covering her face. It broke my heart sending a pain straight through it as I embraced her. Holding her in my arms, I felt as she cried more her sobs wracking her body like seizures, and then she looked at me. Mary looked right into my eyes and that was when I saw it, the despair there in the eyes she shared with me, and seeing that made me cry too. My poor baby, someone had hurt my poor baby, and I didn’t know how to help her or if I even could. That was why I cried and so did she, oh, how my baby cried.   
“It’s going to be alright,” I whispered running my fingers through her wet strands of hair. My words didn’t seem to help her though, instead they only made her cry harder further breaking my heart, and looking at me I saw through the eyes we shared that hers was too. We were a bundle of tears that night and many nights afterward. That first especially, she just cried staring right at me as she did it, and to me, her eyes said one thing. I didn’t understand, I couldn’t understand, and staring right back I knew she was right. I didn’t know what she was feeling. I had been hurt, but I knew, somehow, I just knew it wasn’t the same. The pain Mary was in seemed unimaginable.   
As I said, I had been hurt before, love did that, but it wasn’t the same. I always believed that love would find me again, but looking at Mary I didn’t think she would ever feel love again. Not like with Oswald. And I didn’t know how to help her believe that again. Mary’s father, my love for him, had broken me, but looking at my daughter I realized it was worse than that. Mary wasn’t just broken; Mary was destroyed. She truly didn’t know how to go on.   
“There’ll be another Oswald, sweetie, you’ll see,” I whispered in that moment, but the mere sound of his name made her a hysterical mess. Her head shook back and forth and screaming his name no seemed the only answer she had to that making me feel so many things. The first was sorrow for my girl, but the second was a type of hatred. Oswald had destroyed her, shattered her, and I knew she would never be the same. Knowing that fueled my hatred, my hatred for him, for Oswald Cobblepot; part of me just wanted to slap him or worse snap his little scrawny neck. How dare he, after she had been such a good friend to him over the years, and now he was just leaving. Walking away, leaving her like that, and all I wanted was to see him again so I could show him exactly what he had done. That boy would never be on my good side again.   
If he ever showed his face here again, I would break every bone in that pale little face.


	4. Starting Over

Mary’s POV…

Six months went by and I still wasn’t over him. Oswald had been my soulmate, I knew that, I refused to believe anything less; it just wouldn’t leave my mind. Just like him. Six months later and my life had fallen apart, it had, yet, I didn’t even know it. All I could think was Oswald. What had I done to make him leave? What had changed so drastically to make him stop loving me so suddenly? In those months, my own well-being didn’t matter, I was obsessed in a way with Oswald, and I couldn’t even get out of bed most days. I didn’t care about anything else, but that all changed one day when I had to force my limbs to move so I could get out of bed. It was that simple act that made me aware of what I had let myself become.   
I had crawled out of bed, literally, I found myself standing there, and then I looked in the mirror.   
“Is that me?” I thought looking intently at the person peering out at me from the glass not wanting that dirty, hysteric looking person to be me. My hair was ratted into knots, it didn’t even look brown anymore, but instead a pile of grease. My face looked even worse. It had gone from pale to an angry red that was hot with tear stains that seemed almost burned into me. For the first time, I was glad Oswald was gone, I wouldn’t have wanted him to see me like this; if he hadn’t already left me, he would if he could see me now. I was no longer his beautiful Mary, but a disaster that no one would ever want again. But then I had a thought. I wouldn’t be this way if he hadn’t left me. These tears wouldn’t be seared into my skin and for the first time I felt mad, mad at him. After all we had been to each other, how could he find it so easy to just walk away like that? I was this way now because of him.  
For a minute, I stared, but suddenly I slammed my hands into the mirror. It didn’t break though part of me wished it had maybe it would have given my pain some meaning. All I could think was that I looked pathetic, the person in that mirror looked pathetic, and in that moment, I thought that my time to mourn was over. Now I had to pick myself up and live. Without Oswald.  
“I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered the decision already made in my mind, this couldn’t go on; I couldn’t stop my life for Oswald, now, I had to start it all over again, but this time without him.   
“Begin again,” I thought taking one last look at myself knowing it had to be today; today, I had to pick up what I had left, and begin again. Only this time without him, without Oswald.   
It all began with a shower. My new beginning had to start with a shower to wash away the memory of this experience in my life. I hadn’t taken one since that night, when the police brought me home. My mother had tried, to get me to get out of bed, to take a shower, but she stopped seeming happy when I would merely eat a few bites of food. I knew I had to scrub the grime of this off my body though I doubted I would ever be able to do the same with my memory.   
“You can do this, you can do this…” I repeated that mantra in my head as I began the process of starting anew, the shower water pouring out in a warm spray, my clothes leaving my body before I even felt it as I threw them as far from me as possible. They were just a reminder of this time in my life. I would throw them away. They would just be a cruel reminder of this time, this moment when Oswald left my life, and I had to go on without him. I would throw them away because I didn’t want any reminders of that. I just stepped into the spray and let this moment in my life wash away. My memories ran through my mind as the water ran over my body. Both the good and the bad. I remembered Oswald on the day we met, I remembered the first time he ever held my hand, the first time I danced in his arms, and that day in the rain. It was there more than the others, haunting me, and drowning my face in the spray of the water I promised myself I wouldn’t cry anymore. I knew I couldn’t forget about Oswald, but I also knew I couldn’t let him walking away continue to ruin my life. I had to go on.   
In that moment, I knew I could never forget him, how could I; he was the love of my life, but now he had left me, so now it was time to go on. I couldn’t stop my life for him even if I wanted to, if not for myself, I had to go on for my mother; my mother needed me. When I finally left the shower, my skin was a less fiery red, and was wrinkled like a prune. For a moment, as I stood there dripping wet, and naked I felt new. But that feeling only lasted a second before that pain came seeping back into my skin. In that moment, I knew I could never completely wash it away. And I also knew that this was the moment when my life was starting again. I dried my body, taking my time until entering my bedroom I got dressed going just as slowly. First, I pulled on my panties then my bra and then for some reason I stopped. I sat on my bed my mind slowly processing it all and with a sign I began again. Pulling on a pair of black leggings, I felt secure as I felt the clothing hug me, and then warm as I let the white sweater I put on next wrap around me like a blanket. I finished it all off with a pair of black flats and then I was there again. In front of that mirror looking at the new Mary Tyler that was coming to be today.   
Staring into that mirror, I brushed my hair with slow strokes until it was a long row of wet tendrils then setting the brush down I stared some more. Next, I pulled my hair into a ponytail, and with one last stare I splashed water on my face washing away the tears still burned into the fading redness. That was when it truly began. When I was dressed my life without Oswald began; I became a new Mary mixed with bits and pieces of the old. Now all I had to do was get rid of the last of my pain. My mother was shocked, freaked out even when I burst out of my room, and back again grabbing a cardboard box.   
“Mary!” exclaimed my mother before I slammed the door in her face locking it so she couldn’t follow me. I didn’t need her in that moment, I had to do this alone or I feared I wouldn’t be able to do it at all.   
“Goodbye Oswald,” I whispered as I began to put everything I still had of him away to be looked at years from now when it was no longer a source of pain.   
“You can do this, you can do this…” I continued to say this in my head as I put each shred of clothing, each photograph away into the box knowing it was the only way I could go on.   
“You can do this,” I whispered out loud as I took one last look at everything inside that box, at everything that had to do with Oswald part of me knowing even this wouldn’t make me forget him, but that it was only helping me for now to go on without him. To save him, for a later time in my life, when maybe, it wouldn’t hurt, so much to remember him.   
“Goodbye,” I thought one last time as I put that box away silently promising myself that I wouldn’t open it again until I was free. After that box was sealed and no longer in front of me, I found myself standing there, and then I finally let myself hear it. The pounding of my mother’s fists against my bedroom door. With a click, I unlocked the door, and swung it open to the relief of my mother.   
“Mary?” exclaimed my mother as soon as my door opened letting me see her surprise as she just stared at me at first.   
“You’re out of bed…what happened? Are you alright…what can I do?” said my mother her words coming out in a babble of questions as she touched my arm. I didn’t answer any of her questions because truly I didn’t have time to or answers. I just shrugged out from under her touch and remained silent staring at her like I had the mirror. Answering her would just bring the pain back and I didn’t want that.   
“Mary? Answer me, are you alright?” exclaimed my mother again, but again I didn’t say anything choosing simply to walk out of my room to the door of our apartment opening it to leave. I stood there half way inside our apartment and out in the hallway. I didn’t know what to say to my mother even as she begged for me to say something. Finally, I just looked at her, and from the look on her face I knew I was scaring her. For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to care, later maybe, but now, I just needed to figure this new life of mine out before I could worry about anything else. The look in her eyes was devastating, but the sound of her voice was worse.   
“Mary, please say something. What is happening. What are you doing?” whispered my mother slowly approaching me. I knew what she was going to do. She was going to close the door, she was going to try to get me to stay here, and opening the door wider I stood in the doorway. I couldn’t let her do that. When she stood in front of me I just stared at her deep down just wanting her to let me leave.   
“Sweetheart, what is happening, please, you know you can tell me anything. What are you doing? Does it have anything to do with Oswald…I told you…you must move on. What are you doing?” exclaimed my mother trying to touch my shoulders. Again, I just shrugged her away. I didn’t want to be touched, I didn’t fully know why, maybe, it would taint my new life with memories from the old. But as she asked those questions I sincerely thought about the answers to those questions. Again, I had no answers. Staring directly into my mother’s eyes, I brought a hand to grip the doorframe, and I hoped my eyes said what I couldn’t. That I had no answers. That I just had to do this, on my own, my way or I wouldn’t be able to do it at all. And the truth was I didn’t know altogether what I was doing. What was I doing? I had never pictured this, living a life without Oswald, and with every step I took out the door I realized that was what I was doing.   
“I’m starting over,” I thought it before I said it because truthfully, I really didn’t want to say it.   
“I’m starting over…I have to go,” I whispered finding I couldn’t look at her as I said it. That was all I said before I grabbed the door handle nearly hitting her with the front door as I closed it behind me. It closed with a click that seemed louder than it was and leaning heavy against it I caught my breath. But no matter how many breathes I took it just didn’t seem to be enough. I couldn’t take another step because if I left that door it would be real. The new life I was beginning and the reason why would be real. I wasn’t sure if I was altogether ready yet; I needed a moment to ready myself for this moment, the moment when my life would change completely, and forever. Leaning heavily against the door, I continued to catch my breath, and then I saw him in my mind, I remembered him one last time. I saw Oswald, the way he had been just after we shared that kiss in the rain, just before he walked out of my life, and with that memory I said what I didn’t want to say. I said goodbye. This was not where I had pictured myself.   
“Goodbye Oswald,” I whispered knowing that I would have to find a place for myself in this world without him, without Oswald, something I had never imagined. I was supposed to be with him, married to him, his wife, the mother of his children, and yet that was never going to be. As I walked down the hall I walked away from that life and into a new one.


	5. Understanding

I own nothing.  
Chapter 5

Mary’s POV…

That was the start of a new beginning for me. At least that’s what my head said, but my heart wouldn’t listen. It still longed-for Oswald. But I guess that was the point of a new beginning, it wasn’t supposed to be easy. I got by though, I became stronger almost and sometimes if I didn’t think about Oswald, I almost believed I was over him, but then his face would become a flash in my mind. And then he would be all I would think of, so I quickly learned to not think of him. After my stay in bed for such a long time, I found I had lost my job, so I quickly had to find another. It wasn’t easy, but I did. Before I knew it, I was wearing spiked heels, a tight blouse, and a skirt walking around hoping for generous tips. Waitressing wasn’t glamorous, but it was what I could do, so I managed. I couldn’t afford to be picky and with Oswald gone I couldn’t count on anyone, but myself. Not even my mother. I hated waitressing though. In the little Italian restaurant, I worked in, I found myself surrounded by the mob, but worse those same men seemed to think pawing me up was okay. They looked down my blouse and grabbed my ass as if I belonged to them. It made me not just angry, but it always made me think of Oswald. He never would have allowed me to keep working under such circumstances. That and it always brought to mind that he would never look or touch me that way. It made me miss him. I missed belonging to him; I missed being his girl. But I didn’t belong to anyone anymore. Oswald was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. His departure, a wedge had formed between my mother and I, she hated him for what he had done, and didn’t understand why I didn’t. She didn’t understand, at least, that’s what I told myself; she had never experienced a love like ours, but that was only part of it. I think she saw just how changed I was because of it. I wasn’t the girl he had left in the rain, I had become something else. Stronger. But also, more silent and afraid. I think she saw how afraid I was to be hurt again. She was the only one who saw how alone I truly was.  
My life Had become a routine. I got out of bed every day which was an improvement, I went to work, and then I came home. My mother and I had dinner together every night. I didn’t go out like I used to. I stayed in with her every night, eating, watching tv, and then I would just go to bed to get up again the next morning. I knew my mother wanted more for me, but I didn’t care because now I was giving all I could give.   
“Why don’t you go out with some friends?” my mother would suggest forgetting the awful truth that Oswald had been my only friend that any I had had had departed when I started hanging out with the weird penguin boy, but both then and now I hadn’t cared. My mother was too eager, too much in a hurry. She wanted to make Oswald a ghost that could just be erased. She wanted to make him disappear from my past when in fact I could have no past without him. Oswald had been my life and I don’t think she understood. She wanted me to just give my heart away again, but I couldn’t. Whether he liked it or wanted it, Oswald still had my heart with him, and deep down I didn’t want it back. It would always be his anyway. I wasn’t so sure I could love again after loving him as deeply as I had. And if I did love another, I wasn’t so sure it would ever compare or that if Oswald suddenly came back then I wouldn’t run into his arms. I just knew loving again would never be easy, so I just avoided doing it. I had packed all that remained of Oswald away, every scrap even my heart.   
It was when I came home I knew my mother knew that, but I knew she wanted to speak to me just by the look on her face.   
“Some flowers came for you today. I think you have an admirer,” whispered my mother her voice questioning and strained as she pointed with raised eyebrows to a vase sitting on the counter filled with vibrant red roses. I looked between her and the vase repeatedly before suddenly striding forward I grabbed the card attached. When I saw the name on the card I tried to keep my face neutral. I knew who she thought I wanted them to be from. They weren’t, in fact, they were from someone much worse. I didn’t let her see that though. Part of me hoped, even after all this time, that they were from Oswald, but they weren’t.   
They were from Jimmy, a man who came to lunch at the restaurant, a man who worked for Don Maroni, and who because of that I wanted nothing to do with.   
“Next time flowers come from this guy please throw them away, okay, mom” I said immediately seeing the look on her face knowing she would have something to say now. It was bad enough Jimmy knew where I lived, but now I was going to get lectured by Oswald. That was the last thing I needed right now and looking at my bedroom door, I couldn’t run to my room; setting the card down I knew I would have to be an adult and have this conversation with my mother.   
“Who is Jimmy? Why is he sending you flowers? Is he a new boyfriend or some boy you won’t give a chance because of Oswald Cobblepot?” exclaimed my mother her words coming quickly in one smooth sentence. Her eyes silently stared at the couch in front of her telling me to sit down and when I did those eyes were staring at me. I had no choice, I had to tell her the truth or somehow, I knew she would know.   
“Jimmy is no one we need to worry about. He’s a guy from work that I want nothing to do with,” I whispered wanting her to leave it be or at least say something instead of giving me that silence stare that chilled me. That was the thing about my mother and I, we were so close that she knew enough, just as I knew enough, we didn’t have to speak; we knew. I looked at her once again trying to remain neutral.  
“You can’t get that umbrella carrying fool off your mind, so you’re ignoring a perfectly good man, aren’t you? You won’t give this Jimmy a chance, will you? Because all you can think of is that boy,” said my mother her voice firm belaying her disappointment her nails tapping against the chair.   
“You don’t understand, mom, this guy isn’t who you think. Let me explain…this isn’t what you think,” I whispered moving to take the tapping hand as I kneeled at her side. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe me. She thought this was all about Oswald and this time, it wasn’t. I had different reasons this time and I needed her to listen and understand.   
I knew from the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe me.   
“So, this has nothing to do with Oswald? You didn’t completely ignore him because he wasn’t the man you want, the one that left you so coldly in the god damned rain,” said my mother again her words becoming more strained as she spoke. Her eyes were suddenly filled with hatred. She hated Oswald so much and I didn’t. I still loved him, and she didn’t understand. She wanted me to hate him too.   
“Mom, Jimmy is a mobster! He works for Don Maroni…and yes, he isn’t Oswald, but for once that wasn’t a factor. Do you really want me dating a mobster?” I exclaimed suddenly feeling anger at her dismissive nature. I wanted to wrench my hand out of hers, but I didn’t. I knew deep down that she meant well even as I just wanted her to shut up and leave it alone. I wondered now if after hearing all of this she would.   
“I’ll believe that this time,” said my mother in response standing with a sigh making her way to her room.   
“That boy is still in your heart,” whispered my mother before stepping into her room and shutting the door. She left me in silence and all I could think was that she just didn’t understand. I threw the flowers away then trying not to feel anger or resentment towards her. I failed. What did she know? Nothing, that’s what, she had no idea how I felt right now. Though what she said that night didn’t leave my mind. Part of me wondered if she was right. If still loving Oswald was keeping me from finding another love. Oswald was still in my heart that’s why I had it packed away. I couldn’t just do as she wanted. Just forget, just leave his memory somewhere. Oswald would always be my first love; how could I forget him so easily?   
Someday, I might love again though I sincerely doubted it, and even then, I knew Oswald would always be in the back of my mind. I could meet another man, be with him for years, and Oswald could come back, and I would jump into his arms. I would always love Oswald. He would be the one I would never forget no matter how long I lived. And I didn’t want to. Our love had been something that not many could build in me again. I’m not sure I wanted anyone to ever make me feel that way again. After all, just because I was rebuilding my life didn’t mean I would love again. I could live happily without ever finding love. And I would. No man would ever fill my heart ever again.


End file.
